Finding Normal

Normal is a word that shouldn't be used around me.  It leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.  We are trying to keep some normal for the kids sake, but the truth is normal left the building the day we were told "Yes, it is cancer".  Those words were and still are about as hard to swallow as normal.

I had a good thing going in my life.  I have 3 out of this world kids and have been married to my soul mate for almost 3 years.  We were constantly on the go and always trying to find new and exciting things to do with the kids.  We kept busy.  We ate family dinners, had family walks, played Frisbee, played board games, had Wii competitions (boy are we ALL really competitive) and sat around and talked about random things.  Like really random things.  Sometimes it was all based around what we would buy if everything was a dollar.  Kid 2 loves to ask that question.  "Hey mom, so if that house was $1 would you buy it?".  The Dollar Tree was definitely made for Kid 2.  To think about all the things we have done, seen and been it pisses me off that all of that is on hold until this stupid cancer is gone.

Since the hubby can't help maintain normal for the kids, well not much anyways, it's up to me.  I was a single mom for 2 years, so I am a pro of handling things myself, but when you are used to the hubby being there too; it makes even the normal things you do abnormal.  Tomorrow Oz the Great and Powerful comes out.  The hubby and I have had that on our things to do for 9 months.  Kinda like being pregnant and waiting for the birth of a baby, but without the morning sickness and labor pain.  I have been so excited for this movie, but now he will not be able to go.  I will still be there with my ruby red slippers, yes I do have some, and kid 1.  So, though it will be normal for me to be at an OZ movie; it will be abnormal for my hubby not to be by my side.

So as I struggle with letting go of normal; I try to find and make a new normal.  So far the new normal consists of 5 minute wall sits, and 2 minute plank position with Kids 1, 2, and 3; family dinners (sometimes without the hubby and sometimes with but instead of him being done first he is in competition with Kid 3 on getting done last. She is probably the worlds slowest eater...I should see if there is a Guinness Book of World Records for that; she could totally win.) and me running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.  Sometimes I get a bad enough headache that I wish my head was cut off. 

I know that this is just the beginning.  We still have 22 business days left of this treatment and then we have a break to rest and then 9 more weeks of a stronger Chemo, so this is probably the easiest part of the treatment process.  There is huge mountain ahead, so I foresee normal changing several more times until we finally reach the summit  of this stupid thing called Cancer!